A very proper
lady was planning a camping vacation
for her Baptist Church group ...
She wrote to a
campground for reservations. She
wanted to make sure that the
campground was fully equipped and
modern, but couldn't bring herself to
write the word "toilet" in her letter.
So, she
decided on the old-fashioned term
"Bathroom Commode." Once written down
she still was not comfortable. Finally
she decided on the abbreviation "B.C."
and wrote, "does your campground have
its own "B.C.?"
When the
campground owner received the letter,
he couldn't figure out what she meant
by "B.C." He showed it to several of
the campers, one of whom suggested the
lady was obviously referring to a
Baptist Church since there was a
letterhead on the paper which referred
to a Baptist Church.
So he sent
this reply.
Dear Madam:
The B.C. is
located nine miles from the camp
ground in a beautiful grove of trees.
I admit it is quite a distance if you
are in the habit of going regularly.
No doubt you will be pleased to know
that it will seat 350 people at one
time, and it is open on Tuesday,
Thursday, and Sunday of each week.
Some folks like to take their lunch
and make a day of it.
The acoustics
are very good, so everyone can hear
even the quietest passages. It may
interest you to know that my daughter
met her husband there. We are also
having a fund-raiser to purchase new
seats, as the old ones have holes in
them.
Unfortunately
my wife is ill and has not been able
to attend regularly. It's been a good
six months since she last went. It
pains her very much not to be able to
go more often. As we grow older, it
seems to be more of an effort,
especially in cold weather.
Perhaps I
could accompany you the first time you
go, sit with you, and introduce you to
all the other folks who will be there.
I look forward to your visit.
We offer a
very friendly campground.
Submitted
by Dick, Williamsport. Md.
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Back in the 70s, intelligence
units in Northern Ireland were issued exploding briefcases ...
... to carry sensitive documents.
These briefcases were lined with oxygen bricks. To arm the case,
one simply removed a small pin next to the handle of the case.
Thus armed, an opened case would instantly combust, destroying
everything within a meter of it.
Because there was a half-second delay before the bricks ignited,
the lids were designed to stop on a spring catch, so that no
document could be rescued or photographed before it was destroyed.
To open the case safely, therefore, the sequence was:
- Make sure the arming pin is in
place.
- Open the case.
- Using a thin object such as a
ruler, push back the spring catch.
- The case will now open.
I won't embarrass the unit or the
blonde female Lance Corporal involved by naming names, but in this
particular case, the sequence went as follows:
- Make sure the arming pin is
in place.
- Open the case.
- Look for a small thin object
to push back the catch.
- Find none immediately
available.
- Notice that the arming pin
is a small thin object.
- Use the arming pin to push
back the catch.
- Kiss one "intelligence" unit
goodbye.
Submitted
by
Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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Boudreaux and Thibodeaux worked together
and both were laid off ... ...
so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his
occupation, Boudreaux answered, "Panty Stitcher. I se da elastic
onto ladies' cotton panties.
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher.
Finding it classified as "unskilled" labour", she gave him $300 a
week unemployment pay.
Thibodeaux was asked his occupation.
"Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled
job, the clerk gave Thibodeaux $600 a week.
When Boudreaux found out he was furious.
He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and
coworker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are
unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" yelled Boudreaux. "I sew the
elastic on da panties, Thibodeaux puts dem over his head and says:
Yeah, diesel fitter."
Submitted by
Debbie,
Middletown, Md.
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Feb
9th Humor Page |
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